My horoscope for the year said I would be meeting my "soulmate" this year. I almost did.
It started in March. The company I am currently working in decided to upscale their service staff, and as part of this project, they required everyone to take a qualifying exam that would make us eligible to sell insurance. I hated it, not the exam, but the fact that after passing it I would be forced to do something I don't see myself doing. But I didn't have a choice.
He was new then. He is part of the marketing arm of the bank. When he heard about us taking this exam, he offered to help me review. He got my number; I got his. We communicated with each other since then.
I don't think he lied. My brother said nice people don't lie. And I don't think he did. His offense was concealing. He concealed things that may have impact on me. Maybe because he didn't really plan to prolong this communication. But he was forced. I forced him. I gave him no choice.
Eventually I felt him swaying with me. Whatever set-up it was, we gradually found ourselves attuned to it. I began to see sunshine every morning.
He became part of my everyday affairs. We were texting each other after work; we were texting each other during working hours that people at my workplace started to notice. We texted each other until bedtime.
I was happy.
But happiness that isn’t based on mutuality is not meant to last.
My friend said he just found me adorable. Nothing more. Like a good, old puppy. Maybe. Maybe I should be the one to blame. I misled myself. But I couldn’t help it. He became like an old, reliable, exciting memory I couldn’t just brush off. He became someone tangible; someone I never really had.
But now, reality is finally setting in. All dreams have endings, even though they haven’t really started yet. And this fraction of a lifetime that I concocted myself is beginning to vanish into thin air. I’m letting it go.
I’m letting myself move on.
