I despise you

I wonder how some people can tolerate the fact that they are the reason for the sufferings of others. Don't they have the heart? The world is going to the dogs. Not because of dirty politics. Not because of hate. But because people have forgotten to be emotionally wise. The world has forgotten to be considerate. It pays to take off that shoes and put on the sneakers of others. It's the only way. It's the only way.

Ichimoku Ren

If you are a big fan of Jigoku Shoujo like me, then you know who I'm pertaining to. Yeah, he's one of Ai's associates. And yes, he's gorgeous.

Jigoku Shoujo, or Girl from Hell, is one anime that's a hundred miles away from reality. It can be the wish of someone who experiences cruelty in this very inequitable world. It is about sending people to that hideous turf of Hades. If a person has animosity against someone and wants that person to be eliminated, he/she can contact the hotline to hell. Ai and the rest of the gang will do the dirty work for him/her. One needs only to wait in front of the computer, and when the clock strikes 12 midnight, a website will appear on the screen. The complete name of the loathed person should be typed on the blank space, and Ai will appear to offer a contract. Mind you, this contract will get the better of that person who contacted her sooner or later. If one person is cursed, two graves are dug, as Ai Enma puts it.

One particular character interests me. Ichimoku Ren. Aside from his astounding good looks, Ren appears to be the most empathetic of all of Ai's associates. Today's episode on Animax revealed not only his past, but a folklore of Japan which I was not aware of until recently. He was a Tsukumogami.

He was used in numerous murders. Blood flowed on his metallic body. Being a katana, there was nothing he could do but witness the injustice use of his sharp blade. When the battle finally ended and no life was left except his, Ai found him. She gave Ren a human-like body.

I think one of the many reasons why the world seems very hostile is because we sometimes prefer to be just the 'eye'. Sometimes we forget to use our hands, our feet, our hearts. Though he was reminded not to be totally attached to their clients, Ren could not help but be involved. He knew that looking will not change a thing. And though he works for Ai whose business is filling up all available spaces in hell with people, he felt his current existence is better than before. Don't look at the dark aspect of Ren's job, because he doesn't. The most quintessential of all is the fact that he now was given the opportunity to do something about the situation.

He's now more than just a spectator.

My 15-minute fame

Itaktak mo... Itaktak mo... Itakitak itaktak mo... Hehehe.

It was advertised yesterday that the longest running noontime show in the country, Eat Bulaga, needed contestants for their segment On the Spot Jackpot. They were looking for romance novel writers, illustrators, artists. Upon hearing it, I immediately texted my friend Jeje, a writer by the name of Sofia. The prize was not so bad, the highest of which is Php200,000. And though not a fan of the show, she immediately grabbed the opportunity and decided to be listed.

I was informed last night that they were asked to bring along at least one kin or a friend. Since none of her relatives was available, I was asked to come. I kind of hesitated because I did not want to be on national TV. What if a producer discovered me and gave me a contract?? Eeeeee! Hahaha!

The assembly time was at 830am. Despite my fear to be discovered, the rain failed to stop me; I got there on time. Even my family was very excited. This was the first time this happened to any of my friends. This was also my first time to be in the studio of the said show. And if ever they won, I could borrow the money to pay my placement fee. Yipeeee!

I didn't know that being a studio audience needed to be more than an audience. Participation is a prerequisite. They told us what to do, teach us the 'moves', when to applause. It was exhausting! It was only today did I realize that clapping burns a lot of calories. And when I got home, I was never the same. The shouting and the applauses were deafening! I should have brought cotton to protect my now broken ear drum.

And the show progressed. We finally came to the last part of the show - the most awaited part - On the Spot Jackpot. One of questions would come from a song. And they just don't recite the lyrics; someone would sing it. All relatives and friends of the contestants were asked to sit next to each other, so once the segment was already on, the camera would be focused to only one direction. Of all the seats there, Lougee, the vocalist of the band Mojofly, the one who would sing the song where the question would be based on, was asked to sit beside me! Imagine my shock when I saw her coming towards us. I panicked. Grrrr!

I looked stupid. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know how to wave my hands (it's true!). Ay naku. If only I could melt, I would. My mom was so surprised when she saw her beautiful daughter on TV. She texted me immediately to tell me how beautiful (aherm) but how lost I looked. Oh mom.

So, that's it. Je and Cherie did not win, but they got to take home a thousand bucks as consolation prize. Except for my 15-minute fame that would make me the target of bullying by my so-called friends (hmp!), which I have to endure for three lifetimes or so, the experience was unforgettable. I enjoyed it. I might have appeared lost on cam because I was busy thinking how many people I know were watching and how I could redeem myself after this, I really did enjoy. It was fun! Afterwards, we decided to dissect every occurrence (and the bullying started; my suffering was beginning...), so we ate at a Pizza Hut nearby. The Php1000's life didn't even last for two hours. But it's okay. It would live a meaningful afterlife in our stomachs. ^_^

Monday sickness

I woke up with a headache today. I have a runny nose since yesterday. Wahhh! I am confident that I will never catch a cold since I had been vaccinated early this year. The effect will last for one whole year. But now that I am starting to feel heavy and my nose is aching, I wonder if the vaccination was a good idea. Hmmmnn... I don't always have a flu. I rarely get sick. But now I think I'd rather be sick than have this feeling of about to get sick but couldn't. Does this make you feel sick? I'm so sick.

Lost in translation

How many times have I done it? Nothing good comes out of it. Still I pretended.

Hay. The problem is probably with me. I'm not so good with it. I can't dance. And they say it takes two to tango..

But probably, had I seen something I can hold on to, I might hold on till forever. But there's nothing. Nothing.

And now I'm giving up.

Yeah, I've decided. I'm satisfied with the moments. I have the memories. I always have the memories.

I'll drop it. For good. There's probably something for me beyond the horizon. And I have to leave this.

He would have been perfect.

But I guess it doesn't exist. It won't.

It didn't.

The devil wears Prada

It has always been the question of the century: money or love.

Yeah, it is the one question we can debate on until forever expires, yet the answer will still be a mystery. It is like arguing on which existed first, whether the egg or the chicken, or why the chicken did cross the street. It is synonymous with finding the essence of life itself. And the downside to it is that after you finally understood everything, you'd realize that the very thing valuable to you the most has already been lost. So ironic.

I got good feedbacks for the movie 'The devil wears Prada'. So when it was advertised on Star Movies (sorry, I missed it on the big screen. I thought it was not worth it. Guess I was wrong. Ü), I got really excited. My parents and I watched it. And yeah, we enjoyed it.

It did not make me cry. I was flabbergasted. The plot, the dress, the Chanel. Amazing. Rubbing elbows with the elite, attending fashion events, meeting people with the passion for fashion. For a moment, I wanted to be a part of it.

I think it would be neurotic to believe that we can have everything. We can't. Does that mean there are dreams unattainable? I guess there are. Especially when you dream of having a whooping career, a blossoming family life, and a wonderful circle of true people you can consider friends, all at the same time. They don't materialize simultaneously. Unfortunately.

The coin has only two faces. It is one tough decision we have to make. But I guess what defines a person depends on how he/she makes that one tough decision. A decision that can either make or break him/her. A decision that may change him/her.

And when that decision fails, it is how he/she rises and faces it, acknowledging every sacrifice not only him/her had to make, but also those around. Life is not perfect, a common knowledge. And the fact that we only live once makes us want to be more. I guess it's okay. As long as we also ponder on things that really matter, and make all efforts to keep it close by.

Before it's too late.

Popski

My pops and I went to hear mass today. We always go together, him and me. But there was friction between the two of us for more than a month, and we only made amends recently. So recent it only happened on October 18th, my birthday.

Everything was as usual, until the end of the mass. It was raining; we didn’t have umbrella. It wasn’t when we left home. The church was so near our place that we only walked to get there. But it was raining. And when it is, even the nearest place appears so far.

I’m glad it did.

After the mass, my father decided that we walked our way home in spite of the raindrops that were starting to make me feel cold. It wasn’t raining that hard, he said. I disagreed. It wasn’t that hard, but it was enough to soak us wet. We decided to hail a tricycle (that was the most practical public vehicle within the vicinity) if we saw one. So I agreed to walk in the rain, thinking that it would end pretty soon as tricycles were easy to find.

My father probably wished for it, and he wished for it real hard, because despite my attempt to stop every tricycle I saw, none dared. My hair was dripping wet; I already felt stupid for agreeing to it. But for some reason, we appeared invisible to the tricycle drivers. Noone stopped.

Since we had a long argument, which normally never lasted for more than a day or two until recently, I never spoke to my father. He arrived home; I didn’t take his hand to make ‘mano’. When he’s with me on the sofa watching our favorite telenovela, I dared not speak. I only spoke if my mom’s with us. This probably made him feel uncomfortable, because he didn’t stay for long. He would go up and do other things instead. He never finished any soap. Because I was there.

My father is the kind of man whom you’d feel intimidated. He is a big man. He also oozes an aura of someone who’s on top. He works to lead people. He’s a detachment commander. Detachment commanders are usually men who had military background, or at least a college graduate. But my father is neither. Yet, he attained what he is right now. He walked his way up, gradually. Despite deficiencies, he was elevated. He proved how tough and capable he really is.

He may be a man a lot feel scared of when at work, but when he goes home, he transforms. He takes off his clothes and reveals his softer side. He becomes my father.

He is not perfect. Despite his attempts, my father has flaws which he cannot just cover. I hate him most of the time. He is sometimes inconsiderate; he wanted to be in control. If he wanted something, he would do anything to get it. Anything. Despite the risks.

But I guess what made my father very special are the little things he does. He listens to my jokes. I can talk to him almost about anything (yeah, including my crushes). He listens when I retell to him what I’ve seen on the cable, my childhood memories, my friends’ love life. He just listens.

We also had long walks. I go with him when he goes to the market to buy something for the fish. After purchasing, I take him to another route entirely different from the one we took to get to the market. A longer route, that is. Not practical? But my father does not complain. We traverse this route, me, doing the talking, and him, listening. He always listens.

I remember one breezy night. My father was watching TV; I was in my room trying to get a sleep at nine o’clock in the evening as I had to be in the office so early the next day. I couldn’t. I went down and asked my father if he wanted an ice cream, his treat, of course. He agreed.

The little things we do with the people we treasure the most are the true source of happiness. After we bought one for each of us, we headed for home. It was again starting to rain. I will never forget that scene where my father and I were eating ice cream while walking on the street, with the rain happily targeting our heads. We probably looked idiots, but we didn’t mind. We didn’t care. We ate our ice cream and walked our way back, chilling. Nothing can replace this memory. I will never forget.

And today, we were again walking, in our good wardrobes, soaking wet, with only his handkerchief on our heads to protect us from the rain. Now I know why he carries two hankies with him every time. We talked, walked slowly, and sipped every moment together. He probably missed it. I did. I missed talking to my father. I almost lost this secure feeling, knowing that my father will always be there for me. But I’ve learned.

And no, not even the rain, can stop us.

Never assume

I will never forget what my brother has told me. Never assume.

I am used to this. Ever since I have learned to appreciate the beauty of the world, there was noone beside me.

I am satisfied. Yes, I am. However, I admit that reveries keep me going.

It’s not that I’m assuming. No. I am not trying to reach for something that is bigger than me. I have been living in fairytales all my life. And they never come to life.

But despite all this, I am happy. I am ready to paint the town red. Again.

I miss this. It’s been awhile. I have learned to ignore it. I’m happy with my friends.

However, there will always come a time in your life when you long for something that you want to be a part of. Despite impossibility. I am again floating in reverie.

But I don’t want to assume. I am applying the Gestalt philosophy in my present state. What’s important is that it inspires me. I don’t care if this will lead me nowhere. I am not really going beyond what is now.

Am I a late bloomer? I remember a very close friend telling me that she is. She has not learned to appreciate until now. But I don’t think it’s too late.

It is not too late, really. They said all the good ones are already taken. Noone is left for a late bloomer and idealistic like me. I used to agree with this.

But not anymore.

Thanks for the memories

A question was left by a disc jock before her shift ended early this morning. If my life should end today, how would I end it?

While I was taking a break from finishing my module due on Saturday, I decided to just lie down on the sofa and surf what's on the cable. After checking on my options, I settled for channel 41: National Geographic. It was about Taiwan. I thought it was about tourism. It was not. It was about realization.

It was ironic. I am about to embark on a new journey in my life anytime soon, while others are ending theirs. It featured a man who was dying. Dying from colon cancer. His mom, despite knowing that the situation was hopeless, never gave up. She continued to pray to the gods. But I guess there are prayers left unanswered, and behind them is a rational far beyond our understanding. Far beyond our understanding...

The ailment gradually overcame him. But before his body totally surrendered to it, he was able to utter wishes. I am not sure if it was regret. The man was unable to speak in English, and the translator might have missed emotions in his voice. He said about pursuing material happiness; he wanted a big house and a number of cars. He realized that spending time with his family was the greatest happiness he could ever have. He could have spent more time with them. But now, there was nothing he could do. He left a young daughter and a new born son. He was only 37.

And now, my turn has come to discover the world on my own. I will be leaving my greatest happiness. People say time passes by so fast. That's what I fear. A lot can happen in two years. A life can end in a second. Feelings can drift away. Walls may start to emerge. They are my priority. But I need to take these risks, and hang on to my faith.

And yes, if my life should end today, I will definitely spend it with the ones I truly treasure. We will reminisce the good times. No tears will be shed on this special day. We already shed a tear when we came to this world. I want to leave it with a smile. I am grateful because the Almighty entrusted to me His greatest gift. The gift of life.

Then I will peacefully lie on my bed with my stuffed toys beside me. It was such a bumpy ride. It was a beautiful experience.

Let's play Cosplay! part two

Yo peeps! So here are the pictures of our adventure at PUP yesterday. Told yah it was fun!


First off is Ana, Yo's wifey to be. Look at that pearls. Gotta have one of those!

And yeah, this guy (or girl, whichever you want it) in yellow with salbabida and all is Marky portraying Orochimaru. His makeup is courtesy of Chiharu and her talented hands. It was a good job!

So here we are after the great flood. Despite the heavy rain, we still managed to maintain our composure. We still are beauties! Except for Joshua (the guy in blue jacket). Mumu!

I actually still have a lot to show you guys, but the rest of the pictures are yet to be uploaded. Will keep you posted! Tata for now!

Jya matta!

Let's play Cosplay!

I just got home from cosplay! And it was one heck of an event!

To those who do not have an idea what it is, cosplay is an event where fans dress up as their favorite character. It may be from an anime, manga, movie, or tv. It is fun! (I'll upload the pictures soonest!)

Today's was held at my alma mater, PUP. There where booths selling anime merchandise; there were bands that performed themes of their most drooled over anime. And even though it rained cats and dogs, students, outsiders, everybody stayed eagerly and excitedly. Yes, come hell or high water, no otaku can be stopped from fulfilling its mission. Attendance is a must!

My friends and I have attended quite a few cosplays before. We actually started this February I think (I wrote everything about it in my old blog in Friendster). Since then, we became regular attendees. We have met a lot of people, cosplayers to be specific. We gained friends (my friendster friends have now reached 278!). I have seen Jack Sparrow, Naruto, Sasuke, Jumong, among others. Oh, these celebrities are everywhere!

And yeah, even if we are obachan, with white hair, rheumatism and all but are still beautiful as ever, we vowed to be faithful attendees of cosplays. We will never get tired of it. In sickness and in health...

Cosplays never cease to amaze me. We may see the same faces, hear the same songs, check on the same booths, but the feeling of being with people who share the same passion is just overwhelming. No religion, political views, age, race, social status exist. It is as if life itself, for a moment, has stopped. We are of the same blood.

It does feel like home.

All was well

I am not sure which should I feel: be happy that the reign of Voldemort has finally come to an end and everybody is happy; or be sad because, after so many years, the Harry Potter series is over. Neither emotion can exist while the story survives. The said truth, yeah...

If there is one thing I learned from the series, it is to always extend friendship to everybody. No matter what they are, or who they are. Because you never know the life you have touched, which in return, will also change yours. It will also change yours...

And if there is one text worth mentioning, it is the statement uttered by Severus Snape before he lost it: 'Look at me'. Look at me. It was all he needed. It was all he gave everything up for. It gave justice to all he did. It made me shiver.

I will never look at trains the same way again.

The Almighty that was Evan

If there is one thing worth mentioning about the film, it’s the conversation between God and Evan’s wife. Thinking that Evan was going nuts with the ark he was building, she decided to leave him. God, disguised as a waiter in a local food place, saw her and the kids eating. He approached her and asked if there was a problem. She was reluctant at first. When she finally poured her heart out, she was given the best advice. And it shed light to everything.

Evan Almighty is really not ‘Almighty’ at all. He did not become God. Rather, he acted as Noah, His subordinate. We all know the story of the great flood and the rainbow. We’re done with it when we were in elementary. We can retell the story to our little siblings or children even with eyes closed.

But the 2007 version offered a new twist to the story. Its version of the great flood is really not so ‘great’. It’s cute, yes. The 40 days of raining cats and dogs turned out to be a 40 second rain of kittens and puppies. The birds joining the other animals in the ark are but an exaggeration. It was effective. It was funny!

However, despite miniature version of the original story, there is one thing magnified: that big things come from little things. Changing the world is one complicated concept, but the movie has reiterated that it is attainable. By starting with little things, like helping a dog drink or giving coat to someone who feels cold, it is possible.

Give a pat on the shoulder of someone who needs encouragement. Share a table. Offer a hand. Give a smile. They all make a difference. No too small a deed goes unnoticed. They can always save a ruined day. They can save a life. They can change the world.

I went to school today

I went to school today.

I am a student. Again. I have actually already finished a four year course in 2002. However, I have realized recently, that is, after finishing Journalism, that I would love to teach. So now, I am taking up units of education.

My classes are supposed to be every Saturday, from 7-1pm. But because I enrolled late, though I don’t think I should be considered a late enrollee, one of my subjects is on a Tuesday at 530-8pm.

School is fun. It sure is. I had been serious since elementary to college that now, in my post graduate studies, I take it lightly. Not that I’m complacent now. Of course not. It’s just that I am enjoying it more. I don’t allow it to pressure me. And I won’t. Not again.

I am saddened by the fact that some students hate school. The campus is supposed to be their second home. It hones their skills. It prepares them for life. What I have learned from my one-month training when I was a new hire in Citibank is the fact that trainings, or schooling, should be attended and enjoyed. Because once it’s finished, you will be sent to the real world, where everything transforms from easy, or moderately easy, to really hard. Slacking is no longer allowed. In the real world, everything is competition. And it will eventually tire you out.

I guess kids are afraid of school because of their teachers. I admit some are really not effective. Some do not care. But there are factors why some teachers act this way, though they should not allow these to affect their teaching. There are also other factors why students do not go to school. Battles do not only happen outside the campus. It also transpires inside a classroom.

I went home at past 9. My friends and I always visit a fast food chain after class to order food for take out. Then we eat it on the bus. While munching our favorite fries, we talk about things that happened in the classroom. How one classmate asked a farfetched question. How come we were dismissed late. It was a tiring day. We still have another life outside that four-walled room that we needed to attend to. But despite multi-tasks, everyone was satisfied. We enrolled out of our own accord. According to Socrates, wisest is she who knows she does not know. Some of my classmates are already teachers. But they enrolled anyway. We understand that there are still much to learn. There is still room in our brain for another learning. We want to be prepared.

One of the roles of education is to change a behavior, and gear it towards the ultimate good. And upon doing so, a transformation also happens within those who facilitate learning in front of the classroom. Teaching is a two way street. Students’ lives are not the only ones changing. Through imparting a part of their self, teachers become a better person.

It is only through sharing do they become whole.

The best is yet to come

It is nearly two months now. I did not know I would survive. It took me three years. I admit, I was scared. What happens to the rent? Will my social life suffer? I was full of doubts. One of the reasons why I endured. I was in tears since the first day, but I ignored it. I gave it time. I thought everything would be alright. I guess I was wrong. And the journey ended. The only regret was allowing it to last that long. But I guess, had I not let it, I would not have met such beautiful people. What’s good in this life is that there is always, always something beautiful hidden somewhere, mixed with stones. It always gives us a reason to look back. And smile. And yes, two months have already passed. Time sure is fast, and it sometimes catches us unaware. But I’m wiser now. My supervisor then said I am a philanthropist. Probably. Or probably not. Two months have passed. And a lifetime is waiting. Waiting to be unraveled, visited, and discovered. The best is yet to come.

Irrashaimase!

Irrashaimase, minna-san!

I have been blogging since February of this year through Friendster (Yeah... It's not that long ago...), but I have decided to relocate my thoughts and hidden emotions to a better site (I was told that Friendster blogs cannot be accessed sometimes). So, here I am!

Feel free to read my posts. I just hope I don't bore you. Comments are also highly appreciated. Leave a print and let me know!

Enjoy your stay!