Hello

The good thing about meeting a lot of people is that one gets to understand that alongside hello is goodbye.

I've seen new faces. People come; people go. There are regulars who come everyday, one day they are gone. I used to dread the word goodbye. I hate full stops. I hate endings.

But I guess I'm numb now. I'll still cry, yes. I'll always do. But I am a better person now. I will shed a million tears, think and rethink, ponder and reponder. But that would be it. That would be it.

There is a good side to goodbyes. Because alongside goodbye, is hello.

The effect of coffee

Yesterday was Magnolia's Strawberry Gelato. Today is Nescafe. In can. Nescafe in can.

I can feel the effect of coffee slowly fading from my system. Or so I think. I drank this at 6pm; it's 1:05 now. Still, dreamland is too far away. It's just too far away...

The good thing about this is that I was able to finish a wonderful book, Life is a verb by Patti Digh (thanks, claudie!). I also wrote down some need-to-do things. I pondered on life, what I need to improve, what I learned from the book. I checked facebook; played Tetris on my phone; called my mom at 12:45 am. I sent a message to my brother to text me once he's home; I sent a message to a friend to ask how they were after the storm Ondoy. I made a lot of short trips to the loo. All these have been accomplished, thanks to Nescafe.

Only one thing is left undone: My well-deserved sojourn to dreamland. I'm hoping it transpires any minute now. Any minute now... I can feel it...

ZZzzz... ^^

Moving forward.

My horoscope for the year said I would be meeting my "soulmate" this year. I almost did.

It started in March. The company I am currently working in decided to upscale their service staff, and as part of this project, they required everyone to take a qualifying exam that would make us eligible to sell insurance. I hated it, not the exam, but the fact that after passing it I would be forced to do something I don't see myself doing. But I didn't have a choice.

He was new then. He is part of the marketing arm of the bank. When he heard about us taking this exam, he offered to help me review. He got my number; I got his. We communicated with each other since then.

I don't think he lied. My brother said nice people don't lie. And I don't think he did. His offense was concealing. He concealed things that may have impact on me. Maybe because he didn't really plan to prolong this communication. But he was forced. I forced him. I gave him no choice.

Eventually I felt him swaying with me. Whatever set-up it was, we gradually found ourselves attuned to it. I began to see sunshine every morning.

He became part of my everyday affairs. We were texting each other after work; we were texting each other during working hours that people at my workplace started to notice. We texted each other until bedtime.

I was happy.

But happiness that isn’t based on mutuality is not meant to last.

My friend said he just found me adorable. Nothing more. Like a good, old puppy. Maybe. Maybe I should be the one to blame. I misled myself. But I couldn’t help it. He became like an old, reliable, exciting memory I couldn’t just brush off. He became someone tangible; someone I never really had.

But now, reality is finally setting in. All dreams have endings, even though they haven’t really started yet. And this fraction of a lifetime that I concocted myself is beginning to vanish into thin air. I’m letting it go.

I’m letting myself move on.

The end

That's pretty much it. It ended already.

I wondered. How can something that hasn't begun could end? But it happened, right before my very eyes.

It started fast; it ended fast. I believe it's fair to end it the same way as it had begun.

I guess that's just the way it is.

Maybe three months were long enough. To me it wasn't. But to something that has no beginning, maybe it was way too long.

I'll be resilient. I'll be okay. I just need to learn to ignore the presence, clean up my memories, disregard the inducement to communicate. I didn't realize closing the communication line is the hardest. I'm still optimistic.

I miss it though...

Can i be your Saturday girl too?

My brother said i should just relax. Well, I am! =)

I'm just enjoying it. I am forcing myself to stop daydreaming about it. I only told two of the closest people in my life about it. I don't want to spoil it (as if there's something to spoil). And I'm trying not to analyze. I've stopped analyzing. I've stopped expecting.

I just wish it's the beginning of something wonderful. I deserve it, don't I?  =)

All news Wednesday

The day started pretty good. But it ended quite overwhelming.

We didn't know how to react. I didn't know how to react. When the news was told, we wished we hadn't heard it. I wished I didn't.

I'm not sure if it's all pity. If the person's happy, we should be happy too. Right? Or maybe not. I don't know how responsibilities will be handled. 'No' would have been so right. There might have been a different life ahead. But it's too late for that now.

The play is entirely different if you're the key actors. That's why we need friends who act as spectators. It's worth the while to see things from a spectator's perspective. 

Not that it means happiness will be relied on others. No. But it wouldn't hurt to consider an outsider's standpoint. It might have a valid ground. It might be the slap we need to wake up.

I guess I wouldn't really understand it.

The weather ended the day perfectly. The rain summed up everything.

Birdey bridey's shower

It was a secret. As all showers are. And when she entered door 46 of Party World, she really got the shock of her life.

Our little sister is finally getting married. When I was 24, I was still busy complaining about how harsh work was. But our baby sister is already planning for the greatest endeavor of her life.

And it will be one of the most fulfilling plans she'll ever do. =)