Leaving

"Keep shining.. Keep smiling.." There's no other option.

I went home for two weeks to recharge myself. But I always feel undercharged once it's ending. And my two weeks of vacation is ending soon. Way too soon.

They say time is shortest if you're enjoying. Not that I am, but it still is. Spending time with loved ones always is. Even if I extended for a month maybe, it would still appear so. Time spent with loved ones is always the shortest experience.

One of the main reasons why I delay my packing. I am trying to buy time. I am prolonging my precious moments. Packing is coming back to solitude; not seeing them on a daily basis. It is returning to my room, alone, without the warmth, secure feeling that only a family can give. The realization that the world is really a big place fills up my senses, and my family's soft touch is too high a price to pay. That I'll be devoid of it. A big black hole suddenly finds its place, in that thin line between love and money, sucking all their comforting, sometimes irritating, voices, leaving me with memories. Memories I can't even replay at my request. Their voices, though I crisply remember, turn into remnants of a vivid memory. Remnants that turn into tears if I force it. My ears are yearning for the real thing, but it just vanishes into thin air. It just melts away.

I guess the downside to good relationships is that it always gives one a difficult time to leave. This is not my first vacation. Nor my first time to depart. But I never leave without a tear. Unfailingly. Everytime.

The challenge now is to keep pacing. I'll walk straight to that plane, my head bent down, retracing back my steps in my head. It would lead me back to where I really belong. My heart would leap, both with joy and with loneliness. Tears would fall down like rain.

"Keep smiling.. Keep shining.." There's no other option.