Wanted: Rainbow

I was treading on the pages of bits and pieces of my friends' life, where felicity is a daily lifestyle to the extent of habit. I am thrilled to know about it. I am happy for them.  But the sullen situation I have sunk in has begun to envelope me.

Not that I am being negative. I am counting my blessings. I guess this is just that time of the day when I feel everything is not in proper places and I am caught in the middle. Like every minute of my short life is slowly being dragged to the trash bin.

Everyday is the same story: impelling my body to wake up, heavy feet to mechanically direct their way to the bathroom, my numb hands to turn the knob, and my head with its messy crown to feel the cold water flowing, my eyes closed while doing all these that I considered myself to have sleepwalked. It is like a favorite song being heard over and over; the only difference is being the former not transforming into a beautiful dream but a subtle bane, played over and over and over. I'm only human. I get frazzled.

Then why am I not engaging myself with a satisfying way of time spending? The body is willing, my mind and soul are at the brink of soaring. My wings are spread, readying to ascend. But the wind is blowing to a different direction. I stumbled and kissed the ground that I swore to let go.

I tried to alter the situation; fate is not allowing me. I tried again. To no avail. There are horizons far better than my current one, but it seems too far from my grasp. Alas, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is but a product of my imagination!

Am I a defeatist? When everything is happening but nothing is transpiring in my part of the universe, I couldn't help but to be. "I need a sign", the music sings. Yeah, I need a sign. I need rain. I need sunshine after the rain.

I need a rainbow after the sunshine after the rain.