The Mother of All Virtues

It is easier said than done.

Hypocrisy may be too harsh a word, but admittedly, I might have been a quarter of an inch close to it. I consider myself a disciple of the Word, yet I faltered. Just when I was given the chance to prove my worth, I failed. The human side of me forces its way out, succumbing me to my vulnerability. Excuses? Yeah, I believe so.

I read somewhere a long time ago that as children of God, we have been equipped with God-like virtues that enable us to denounce sin. Despite my gifts, my will-power is stronger than my intellect. I cave too easily.

To cut the story short, I defied, we argued. My own decision prevailed. But there's a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that what I did injured a relationship, and what I was fighting for is of unworthy logic. My conscience was knocking; I slammed the door shut.

I spoke to my mom about the heated argument, and though she regretted her chiding the next day and apologized to me, she highlighted that I should have let humility influence my way of handling it. I am a soldier of Mary, I know my protocol, but at that moment when I was at the verge of spouting slurs and my level of tolerance hastily rising to the brim, I turned my back at my vows. Sigh, my mom is right.

In this temporal world where personal satisfaction is the primary goal of living, I failed to exercise the basic idea of noble service. God served all the days of His life, and here I am, an occasional disciple of His teachings. I was given the chance to introduce His presence in me, but I forgot humility. I won. I lost. And now guilt has seized me.