Thanks

I guess you could call it being in my comfort zone. I was slacking, I have recognized the signs. My everyday has been a routine, and this fact has changed the way I viewed the professional world and how to tackle it. A wake up call is needed.

I did not want to serve him, I find him unpleasant. His physical attributes annoy me; his ways exasperate me. But this guy turned out to be an angel in disguise, the slap I need to rewire me. He became the instrument of my redemption.

He met me two years ago, he said. I was all smiles, creating small talks. He said my novice status, which gave me the uncertainty of expectations, made me acknowledge everyone with no inhibitions. I was just smiling. And I lost it now.

The everyday struggles, the diversity of faces but similarities of cases toughened my spirit. I was not aware it changed my aura too. My mingling has lost its personal touch, the distinctive trait I was so proud of in the beginning. I reorganized my thoughts, singled out events and people, and the next morning, I treated them without prejudices regardless of their frequency in my work place. Like I did when I was on probation.

It may be a challenging journey again for sincerity to sink in, but the simplest smile is my ammunition. I lost the meaning in what I do, but I'm regaining the impact of my service to other people. It is not the material things that make us happy, but the number of lives we touched. I am touching lives again. Thanks to that man.

Kung Fu Panda

In all honesty, I was reluctant to see Kung Fu Panda. I did not see the first; I almost did by mistake which my friend and I immediately amended. The cinema girl erroneously gave us the wrong tickets (we wanted to see Narnia) which we realized only when we were inside the cinema hall. Upon knowing we were in the wrong movie (Kung Fu Panda), we immediately walked out and asked for refund. We kind of abhorred it since then.

So the second came. I was receiving positive feedbacks from its loyal subjects, which I half-heartedly believed because of the biases it may contain. My disposition took a 360 degree turn when a friend told me about how she dragged her husband to the cinema, how he loathed seeing cartoon, but was laughing his heart out from beginning to the end of it. He was converted! So I gave it a chance.

And I was not failed. The plot, the action scenes, the lines, they are like different vegetables mixed together in perfect timing and blending. It's like an orchestra in blissful harmony. I never stopped laughing! The imagination behind the whole movie was so rich it just spews life and flourishes. I almost forgot it's cartoon.

All the movie needs is an open mind to be able to fully grasp its content. I guess the only hindrance to its widely acceptance is the fact that it's cartoon. Most of us are so attached to the real world that we neglect the surrealism of situations. Fables are best represented in cartoon, otherwise they'll lose their authenticity. The movie is a nostalgia. The child in me burst out laughing, shed a tear, amused by the copycat colors the most advance technology can visually offer. I found myself rewinding back to my salad days. And guess what I chanced upon - Inner peace. :)

Atonement

If I were a doctor and have to prescribe an effective way of overcoming depression, it would be this: let go.

I had read somewhere that the mind is compared to a child picking up pebbles on the sea shore. No one knows exactly which ones he picks up and keeps, and which ones he throws back to the sea.

The ironic part is that the things I'd rather forget are the ones that linger in my memory. They continue to haunt me in my most vulnerable state, in my darkest moments. It felt like masochism.

But yesterday was a rebirth. I heaved my broken self. The person I was speaking with awaited patiently for my mouth to open. But the mere thought of vocalizing my most inner self is enough to crouch my words. Tears flowed down. I began to count. Mustering all the courage, I began to create a sound in language form. He listened. He nodded in agreement. I enumerated. I let go.

Drops of water continued to wet my face. When I finished, he uttered the statement he prepared I guess. The most wonderful part of peeling my skin off is that in his presence, I sensed no prejudice. Not a trace of judgment was apparent on his humble face. He harked like it was the solution to everything. He smiled. Then he forgave. His license to forgive is my passport to self-acceptance.

I grabbed two more tissue papers, stood up, and as I turned the knob to leave his office, I felt my old self detaching. I have been renewed. The deepest, unspoken part of me has been revealed, and the new me steps out of the office unscathed. Letting go is a beautiful thing. It prepares one to collect oneself and be whole again.

When Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, it was a glorious leap for mankind. My stepping on his office is a liberating leap on a new world for me. A world surrounded by divine love. A world of replenished soul. It is an exultant step for a new beginning. And, yeah, I'm gonna wave my flag proudly and plant it confidently. Because I came, I saw, I surrendered, and I conquered myself, all at the same time. And I've been triumphant.

The Mother of All Virtues

It is easier said than done.

Hypocrisy may be too harsh a word, but admittedly, I might have been a quarter of an inch close to it. I consider myself a disciple of the Word, yet I faltered. Just when I was given the chance to prove my worth, I failed. The human side of me forces its way out, succumbing me to my vulnerability. Excuses? Yeah, I believe so.

I read somewhere a long time ago that as children of God, we have been equipped with God-like virtues that enable us to denounce sin. Despite my gifts, my will-power is stronger than my intellect. I cave too easily.

To cut the story short, I defied, we argued. My own decision prevailed. But there's a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that what I did injured a relationship, and what I was fighting for is of unworthy logic. My conscience was knocking; I slammed the door shut.

I spoke to my mom about the heated argument, and though she regretted her chiding the next day and apologized to me, she highlighted that I should have let humility influence my way of handling it. I am a soldier of Mary, I know my protocol, but at that moment when I was at the verge of spouting slurs and my level of tolerance hastily rising to the brim, I turned my back at my vows. Sigh, my mom is right.

In this temporal world where personal satisfaction is the primary goal of living, I failed to exercise the basic idea of noble service. God served all the days of His life, and here I am, an occasional disciple of His teachings. I was given the chance to introduce His presence in me, but I forgot humility. I won. I lost. And now guilt has seized me.

Connected and Useful

I was walking home today, feeling low and depressed. With my ipod vociferously singing in my ears, I traversed the path amidst this huge pile of humongous trees that are perfectly aligned by the road side. I looked up and felt the gush of wind slightly kissing my cheeks. The sun was blazing hot, but the leaves of the trees guarded me from the pigment-causing rays of the raging sun. I was astounded. Everything was an orchestra, mastered by God in all His humility. But there I was, feeling low. I was ashamed.

Early morning on my way to work I saw a crow draggingly flapping its wings, attempting to ascend despite the heavy load in between its beak. It found a road-killed animal, salivated over its seized meal, picked the cadaver up and flew effortfully. Its scavenging made me cringe. Only now that I realized, while typing this blog, that something positive permeates through this despicable action. Nothing in the world is wasted. Lives, even decaying physicality, are purposeful. Up to the very end, we still can contribute. Like the dead animal's role to the crow.

I had been consumed by the thought that what I do is unhelpful. I was feeling wasted, forgetful of the fact that everything God created is uniquely significant. And God is wise. He hid realizations in nature. All we, or specifically I, need to do is to be completely open to everything, and the answers will come as swift as a thief in the night to steal doubts. I'm learning.

I'm raising my glass to Pink, for being wrong in the right way. Fulfillment is within reach.  :)

Two ways. Two words.

There are two ways to look at things: positively and let all bright and shimmer, and negatively that even the color yellow flickers black.

There are two sides on each coin; two ways on each road. I can be kind and brutal, loveless but full of love. I can opt to laugh but implicitly aching. I can cry joyfully.

Some have not been given what is due them. I expected a glimpse of happiness but am exposed to the very definition of it. Sometimes all it takes is for us to close our eyes, open our senses to the well-endowed reality that has been intricately laid before us. Everyone deserves to be appreciated. Appreciate life. Appreciate God.

I go home nightly with the moon lighting up my way. I can choose to be grateful for the generosity of its moon beam, instead of dawdling in thought on the absence of the sun. Positivity is workable. It starts from breathing deeply and thanking God for the air that passes the delicate nostrils, the very reason we live. It continues to the bed for reaching it safely, until the closure of the eyes and feeling the soft pillow that awaits to drive our dreams. God is good, and the primary way of reciprocation is by thanking Him.

Thank You. :)

Home

Some relationships end too soon, too bitterly. My April was a headache. It severed a prospective, strong friendship. But I am glad that redemption is finally occurring.

Endurance is a virtue, along with patience and resilience. It was an exodus of emotional battle and cold war, and I expanded patience for pragmatic concerns. But recent happenings forced me to make an aggressive decision, one that is beneficial to the majority including myself. I now realize that decisions seem right when peace descends after arriving at one. And now it feels like home.

According to the World Book of Happiness, it matters not if income is lower than the previous one, so long as basic necessities are met by that limited funds, as significant increase in salary may have a minimal rise on the happiness graph. Happiness is gained not from material things but from relationships built. I will shell out more than what I used to, the trip will be longer, waking hours earlier, but friends to share worthwhile memories will turn every penny into an investment. They say we gain some, we lose some. But I say we lose some, we gain a lot. At the end of the day, relationships founded on trust equates to happiness not every nickel saved can even account for. The sum is peace of mind. And the finished product? With delicate aroma that entices the sensitive olfactory organs, freshly baked 'home'. And I am. :)