1231

1231am and I am still up. I have the drink teh tarik to blame for this. :)

How does one expel negative vibes, both tangible and not? I have been feeling low. The repulse is dwindling, what am I supposed to do? A hiccup of what ifs and what should be is unresolved by a glass of water. A sigh is loudest.

Even the sanctuary, the only place to resuscitate my spirit, is experiencing an infiltration of negative forces. I rely on the slightest of logic. Master Yoda, where art thou?

"Must.take.a.dosage.of.seven.hours.of.sleep", my conscience whispers. I surrender. I have work tomorrow.

Conspiracy Theory

Ralph Waldo Emerson and Paulo Coelho arrive at the same conclusion. The Catholic Church acknowledges it as the communion of saints. I concur it is faith. When you want something, the universe conspires for you to achieve it. And it does.

Clairvoyance, ESP, third eye, faith, anything to identify it, it happened to me again today. I imagined this particular someone apparating and was an arm's reach in front of me. I brushed off the idea. A few hours later, it materialized. My heart leapt for joy when I made out a familiar face surfacing from the crowd.

I wanted to be the one to assist him. My client in front of me was still undone with his business. I smiled sheepishly. My colleague beside me called for the next person in front of him. The person in front of me, unaware of my dilemma, was still busy rummaging through his belongings. My other colleague who was not attending to someone was not calling for him either. I could not suppress a simper for this beautiful symphony harmonizing before my senses. My opportunity was awaiting seizer. Then the client in front of me left.

I have seen this scene in films before - people outside of our consciousness freezing; clocks delaying. His presence was the mere definition of existence. Nothing has ever stood so vaguely yet utterly confident like he did. He was approaching, finally a finger away. I was fighting to maintain composure. But my smile was a give away.

I did serve him before. For the record, he never ever bothered to look at me. He did not speak to any of my colleagues. But today was an exception. All the universe conspired, my prayers were answered, the angels tuned and blew their trumpets. With all the good things summed up multiplied by a plenitude of graces and miracles, he smiled, exposing his pearly white teeth, uttered statements, and ended the whirlwind but protracted minutes with him saying, "Have a good day!"

I am not trying to be a hopeless romantic. I am not expecting anything. I hope I am not analyzing something that needs no analysis. I just find today lovely. A falling star, that's what happened. Today was a surprise. And I love surprises. ^^

One.One.OneOne

It is that day of the fresh year when reminiscing is worthwhile. They do it on TV. I am doing in on my blog.

2010. Ten years ago the world panicked when earth turned its second thousand. Everyone was stricken with the possibility of world end, bugs to hit the palpable and the not. But the earth evolved faithfully around the sun; not a single speck of time was spent apart. Now the most feared year is 2012, based on the Mayan calendar. The world never loses reasons for anxiety.

February 2010: I acquired the skill for cycling. It needs further harnessing, I must admit. But the courage I gathered to put my feet and began pedaling was a blast to start my year. I knew I would go places.

February 2010: Another valiant act. I plucked up courage and signed up for volunteer teaching a year before. I commenced doing what I dreamt doing in this month. My Sundays have been polished with multi-color rainbow since. Innocence draped me.

July 2010: I came. I saw. I conquered Malacca, Malaysia. This little town six hours coach drive from Singapore has rich Portuguese influence. I encountered a familiar name when I was skimming through its brief history in its famous museum. He kind of came by our country in the eighteen hundreds. I didn't know he was a jet-setter, or a ship-setter, or a trend setter for conquering worlds during his time. Ferdinand Magellan was an island hopper! I was blown away.

September 2010: I met some college friends. We used to be acquaintances, but thanks to the enormous empowerment designated to Facebook, we reattached and communicated into a friendly level. We let go of the sour past; it was never even brought up. My circle of friends expanded.

September 2010: I attended a religious seminar in the nearby church, and it opened doors to a wider possibility of faith improvement. I joined another ministry with fellow youths. I gained a handful of friends. It introduced me to a deeper relationship with God.

November 2010: I finished a number of books this year, The Life of Pi, Memory, and the latest Room. It improved my vocabulary. I rekindled my love of blogging. My lexicon list elongated like a month's grocery list. My sentence construction ameliorated.

November 2010: A friend working in Dubai took a short trip from Manila to Singapore before heading back to her workplace. We sojourned in Phuket, Thailand. It was my first time to travel with her, my first to wear bikini (haha!), and my first to be literally fried out in the sun (with my SPF 70 on). My friend complained that the clouds stole the big ball of fire from us, I was rejoicing that the sun happily obliged to be kidnapped by the sky. Everyone folded their umbrellas and made use of the little sunshine that great, big yellow star, though masked, exuded generously. I was, under my big man-made shade, with SPF 70 on, enjoying the dance of the sun behind the clouds.

December 2010: I went home for Christmas. I have been away from home for three years now; this was my first time to go home twice in a span of one year. It was a tear-jerker. This business of arriving and departing has proven one solid fact: I am such a cry baby.

I am looking forward to 2011. This is going to be a roller-coster ride, in the depth of finding my self and my other half. I took the courage to move away from my comfort zone. My adaptation to this endevour is taking a cozy rest. It is bad news. I must go on. When our ancestors decided to widen their turfs and explored new heights, civilization was born. I must do the same. The prominent virtue last year was courage. I will fully utilize it even if it is the only fuel that powers me.

Twenty eleven, carpe diem. ^^

Uncle Saint

In a busy world where both work and life evaporate rapidly, a growing aging society is a prominent fact. Countless numbers of homes are founded to aid the elders. We visited one of them today.

Eleven people spending time and recording the last of their memories in an almost shabby space they call home. We came to visit them for Christmas. This home is different from the ones we frequent; the inhabitants are destitute.

I arrived in haste. I left my office at a quarter to the appointed time. I reached the place an hour past it. The home was located in a public housing in the heart of the city. I was not aware of its presence until today. The residents were responsive; most of them spoke English. The best part was, not a whine was uttered.

After games and gifts prepared were over, I approached each one for the second time to extend my Christmas greeting and to bid goodbye. Smiles were glued on their faces immutably as they were accepting our small tokens. I was one by one grabbing their hands and shaking it, until I came across this particular man. 

We exchanged greetings, myself and him both beaming. Then he said something so sincere it moved me to tears. "All the best for you". All the best for you. When all the best in the world should be showered to him for all the sacrifices and heart wrecking journey he must have gone through, he wholly transferred the prayer to me. All the best for me.

The sun is setting, mine is burning. God has gifted me with marvelous blessings and miracles. The uncle, without any sign of envy or lamentations or remorse, free from material gifts that come and fade, stated the sincerest, shortest prayer my heart has ever heard. I know it floated in small upward steps. It traversed past the clouds into God's listening ear. God's delicate attentiveness hears the deepest prayer.

All the best for him.

Zz

It has been a busy week. I reunite with my pillows and dreams at one in the morning almost everyday. Tiring, yeah.

I met some friends today. I did not plan to take part in it. I intended to go shopping on my own for tomorrow's Christmas party, go home at eight in the evening, and be engulfed by the softness of my cushion when the clock strikes nine. None of it materialized. My night was more meaningful.

Though misanthropy entices me at times, experiencing time elapse with good conversation and hearty cackles make me forget. I am extrovert and introvert, depending on mood. It was a lonesome evening by choice; I caved to a good company. It was a good decision.

Now my clock whispers one in the morning. I am wide awake and sleepy at the same time. My head has decided to retire for the day, but my fingers insist on typing. My laptop sneaks in a weaker truth. It is left with three percent power. I am shutting very soon.

All I Want for Christmas Is..

Apart from my two frontal teeth, that are still intact by the way, I have in mind a list (and a long one, mind you) that I will transcribe on a paper and origamise into an aerial transport. Sealed with a kiss, I will then, with brutally powerful force, along with my pumping heart and transforming soul, send it soaring into the blue skies. The totem will reach the addressee in the North Pole come hell or high water, by hook or by crook. by blood or by tooth. It will land safely on its doormat, the addressee will pick it up, and thus, the beginning of wisdom.

What do I have in there? Not a hard one that St. Nick could not provide. :)

1. Health for my family (You can do this, Santa! :])
2. Meaningful endeavor for me.
3. A watch that I spotted in one of the malls in the city some months ago (While stocks last!!)
4. A Blackberry Storm (This is final. I won't fall for you, Iphone 4.)
5. Shoes from Mitju and tops from Mango (The simplicity of my desires.)
6. A life of gratitude.
7. An extension of humanity with understanding increasing by ten levels, impatience buried six feet under.
8. Acquisition of one virtue a day.
9. Establishment of a deeper relationship with God.

My christmas wish list has turned into New Year's Resolutions. Haha! And it ain't that long!

Oh well. :)

HO! HO! HO!

It's the 8th of December, 2010. A little toss and turn, and waking, and blinking, with some Christmas shopping in between, and whoala! HO! HO! HO!

I saw our office roster for this cycle today. I have already envisioned myself bouncing with joy as I pull my luggage and strutting my way from the domain of our international airport. My family awaits with the biggest simper, stretching their arms to the longest width possible readying to engulf me in their warmest, most flaring welcome. Upon seeing our schedule today, I was astounded to realize that this is just two weeks away. It is so happening!!

Christmas last year was spent apart. I celebrated the birth of God with friends, my home away from home. So imagine my excitement now that time is being pulled gradually into a merry Christmas, with me swaying with it gleefully. There is no place like home. And surely, there is no better place to celebrate the most joyous season than with the people I work hard here for. It's a merry HO! HO! HO!